Saturday, October 5, 2019

Falling into a new year, a new place

Because this new moon coincided with my retirement from ministry, my mantra has become Let go and let God.  It is no longer my role to shepherd or challenge this congregation.  Daily I place them in God’s hands.  It’s a huge letting go of a role I’ve had for the last 17 years.  And it’s a role that is no longer right for me, so I’m letting go of that which no longer serves me. 
The new moon was also the beginning of Rosh Hashanah.  As it was also the celebration of my retirement from ministry, I decided to go to Rosh Hashanah services.  Rosh Hashanah is an invitation to step into the new.  Participating in these services was an opening for me into the new.  One of the songs we sang during the service really helped.  The words are:

There’s only one place to be
in this moment
There’s only one thing to do
and that’s be present
There’s only one thing to have
and that’s unending gratitude
For being in this present moment.

Rabbi Ted Falcon gave us focus phrases to use through Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, which I am finding helpful as I face each day in this new part of my life. 
·         I welcome Sacred Energies now.
·         I open to a field of blessing.
·         I invite inner wisdom
·         I calmly witness the workings of my mind.
·         I welcome all my thoughts, feelings, and sensations.
·         I accept myself exactly as I am.
·         I identify my intentions for this New Year.
·         I feel my intentions already fulfilled.
·         I forgive anything I think is in my way.
·         I release myself to the One I am.

As I work through these, my sacred yes is becoming "I open to a field of blessing."  It's where I need to be as I move into a new phase of my life - to be open to the blessings that are coming, without expectation of what they will be - just that the blessings will be and they will open up, even as old things are falling away.

Sunday, September 29, 2019

This morning was a celebration of my ministry at Richmond Beach Congregational Church and of my retirement.  It's a big step - and I felt honored and loved by the gracious acceptance of my retirement.  It will feel strange not to be at RBCC on Sunday mornings or heading to choir rehearsal on Thursday nights.  I will miss you.  Thank you to everyone at RBCC for being a part of my journey through life.  Thank you for your gifts today - and the many gifts of support through the years.

I've had some quotes by Rev. Cameron Trimble posted in my office, to help me towards this point.  One says "To chart a new path, you first have to get comfortable with feeling lost."  Another says "Not everyone will understand your journey.  That's okay.  You're here to live your life, not to make everyone understand."  I am beginning to feel comfortable with the idea that I might get lost.  I'm answering people's questions of "what will you be doing" with "I don't know."  And I'm ok with that response!

Tonight begins the holy day of Rosh Hashanah for our Jewish brothers and sisters.  Rosh Hashanah is the beginning of the new year.  Rosh Hashanah is a doorway to what is yet unknown, offering us opportunities available only when we risk stepping beyond the threshold of the ending of one year and into the birth of what is to be.  Such synchronicity!  Beth and I will be participating in Rosh Hashanah services with Rabbi Ted Falcon at Unity Church in Lynnwood.  I hope it will be a good combination with my retirement service.

Over the last few months, I have been honored to lead memorial services for two friends - Diane and Hanna.  They were both wonderful people and taught me a lot about how to live and how to die.  They pushed me spiritually, challenged me, and we grew together as we explored questions about faith together.  Walking with them, combined with singing with the Threshold Singers, has broadened my perspective on life and death.  Thank you Hanna and Diane, and thank you to those who loved them.  

Sunday, September 1, 2019


"Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought life would be like and learn to find joy in the story you are living."  (Rev. Cameron Trimble, Piloting Faith).

This seems to be a lesson that I learn over and over.  And am learning it yet again.  Life throws us curve balls and we have to let go in order to continue to enjoy living.  This last month, I mailed a letter to the congregation where I have served as spiritual director for the last 17 years.  The letter said I am retiring, effective September 29th.  Retirement means leaving that congregation.  Not only have I been a spiritual director there for 17 years, but I was a lay member there for 32 years before that.  It's a big step.  A step in faith that I am answering the call of God.  In my letter, I concluded with the chorus lines of a hymn,  "You Have Come Down to the Lakeshore."  Those lines are

O Jesus, you have looked into my eyes,
kindly smiling, you've called out my name.
On the sand I have abandoned my small boat
Now with you, I will seek other seas.

I do not know what those other seas are.  I do know that within the next couple of years that my partner Beth and I will move to Panorama in Lacey.  I do not know where or if I'll go to church on Sunday mornings.  My letter said I'll wander in the wilderness.  Why?  Because wilderness wandering is required in order to let go of the picture of what I thought life would be like.  It is required to find joy in my new story.  Another quote from Rev. Trimble is "To chart a new path, you first have to get comfortable with feeling lost."

Are you comfortable with feeling lost?  I know I'm really not.  I want to know what's happening when.  That's impossible and I know that but I still have this tendency to hang on to the belief that somehow I'm in control. You'd think by this time, I'd have given up this attempt!!!

Mary Oliver asks in her poem, Summer Day,  "What will you do with your one wild & precious life?"  Retirement is a new way if answering that question.   In an earlier blog post, I said that walking with a friend as she died led me to ask that question again.  I hope that I can walk into retirement with both curiosity & intentionality.   I want to be curious & explore options but not just drift.  I need purpose in my life.  It seems like an important balance at this point as I seek other seas.

Sunday, August 4, 2019

New Day

I just spent a week with my family at Camp N-Sid-Sen on Lake Coeur d'Alene in Idaho.  Each morning began with morning prayers by the lake side, with a simple chant "Take a breath..... (breathe) ....of the new day and make it part of you.  I took time before that to simply sit and be with the new day.  From that time came this poem. 

Take a breath 

      Hummingbird hovers near
      Swallows dip and dive
      Chickadees and sparrows greet morning with song
      Sunlight dances on lake
      Gentle breezes ripple water
      Squirrels chatter
      Fish jump for bugs
      Osprey call to each other

of the new day and make it part of you.

What is it that attracts your attention in the new day?  Are you taking in a new day that will refresh your spirit and guide you into this new day?

Saturday, August 3, 2019

Symbol of Hope

Old stump, washed up on lakeshore
by long ago winter storms,
roots exposed,
bleached and dried by summer sun
teaming with life
ferns, lichens, tiny plants
invisible insects,
symbol of resurrection and hope.

Shelters of hope and love
provided by God
surround me too,
like the roots of the stump.
Sometimes I see and feel them.
Sometimes in my fear and despair,
I forget their presence.
Seeing nurse logs, mighty stumps
remind me to breath in
God’s loving, supporting presence,
bringing hope and resurrection
back into my life.

Monday, July 22, 2019

New growth from old ways

Recently on a walk at Earth Sanctuary, I was noticing the many different nurse logs and old stumps from which new growth was coming.  This one in particular drew my attention because of the way the new growth has split the old stump.  I started thinking about other situations in which the new grows from the old.  Must the church (local or universal) split in some way for something new to emerge?  I don’t mean split like it has many times over the centuries into new denominations.  Or for a  church to start with a portion of an old one.  The new plants emerge from the decay of the old stump, pushing their way through the old one, pushing parts of it away.  In the church (and many other human institutions), we are so inclined to fight change, to keep doing things the way we always have.  We resist having old ways pushed aside to make room for new possibilities, new seeds of growth.  Yet, if growth is to happen, old ways need to give way – to split away.  It’s actually a healthy way of growth.

I wonder what the new growth is in myself, as I look at the idea of retirement and of moving to a new community?  And what is it that needs to give way in order for that new growth to happen?  What is the new growth in you – what needs to split away for that new growth to happen?  I think this is how resurrection happens.  Resurrection happens when we allow the Holy Spirit to blow through us and change us, push us to allow death of the old and birth of the new.  

Ritual often helps us to allow that splitting away to happen - ritual that honors and celebrates what has been, while acknowledging the need for the new in order for life to continue.  How will you celebrate that which you need to release in order to grow in your life?

Friday, July 5, 2019

Intentional Living

On June 13th, 2019, a good friend left this life. She is now without pain, free of a body that was no longer functioning as it should.  We gave her a wonderful celebration on the 29th of June.  So many wonderful words were spoken; beautiful music; stories told.  We also had the opportunity to celebrate with her before she died – to share stories with her and sing together.  As I reflect on these last few months with her, I wonder if I’m doing that enough with people I love.  How often are we walking through life, side by side, but not really paying attention to those we love?  Diane, you have left me with a desire to live more intentionally; to spend less time in constant motion and doing; to just be with others and to be with myself. 

I’ve been reflecting for over a year now about doors and bridges.  My experiences with Diane have led me to a bridge into a new way of life.  How I live this out is yet to be seen.  I wonder though, how are you being called to live more intentionally?  Our culture demands constant action and reaction.  Yes, sometimes we need to react and/or take action.  Perhaps though we can slow down and live in a way that calls us into intentional relationship, into paying attention to one another.  Where or how are you being called to live differently?  In Mary Oliver's well known poem, Summer Day, she asks, and I think Diane asks us, What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?